So...Tired...
I don't know how much this is due to EPing and how much it is due to just being a new mom, but I suspect quite a bit of both. And also some to do with being really freaked out by big bugs.
So last night the cookie wakes up at 2am. This is my shift (in case I haven't explained it before, I take everything from when DH goes to bed until 3am, then he takes everything from 3am 'til he leaves for work at 6:45, and we share the rest of the time. This is one of the things I love about pumping -- we can do this.), so I crawl out of bed and sure enough, she's wide awake. First step, diaper change. Mega full diaper, so I'm not worried about her peeing on me (little boys have nothing on my cookie when it comes to waterworks). Big mistake. So I finish changing her, including her now wet outfit, and we head over to the comfy rocking chair.
Where I discover mistake number 2. I forgot to put a bottle on before the diaper changing caper. So now she's really awake and crying for a bottle, because this is a Departure From Routine. Warm bottle, feed cookie (who sucks down four ounces like I haven't fed her in two days), give apres midnight-snack binkie (which usually calms her right down and sends her into the Land of Nod). Time: 2:30.
The cookie indeed calms right down and appears to be in the Land of Nod (I can tell because she's loosened her death grip on my finger). So I stand up to put her in the crib. She wakes up immediately. We play this game for about 20 minutes. She finally goes to sleep at...2:59. And then it's time for me to pump.
So I turn the monitor back on and head downstairs. Now, all I want to do is sleep, which I can actually do while I pump, but I have this huge project for work I need to get done (which I should be working on right now, as a matter of fact...). So I hook myself up to Flo (named after the sassy waitress from Mel's Diner -- anything I spend this much time with needs a name) and flip open the laptop. Because I'm more interested in procrastinating than working I check a thread over on the aforementioned message board (see my first couple of entries on this blog) that has been brought to my attention -- apparently I'm not the only one who feels discouraged by the tone of some of the posts over there -- and find myself in the middle of a conversation that looks like it has serious flamewar potential. Now, I don't want to be in a flamewar. That's no fun, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy to waste on it. So I start a reply intended to douse the flames. All of a sudden, I see a huge bug scamper under my chair. Fast. And big. Did I mention how huge it was? Seriously, this mother's like 2 inches long. Not a roach, but some kind of freaky millipede thing they have up here in the Northeast US. I've seen them before and they totally wig me out. So this one is under my chair. While I'm trying to relax and pump. Now, if you're scared of bugs like I am, you understand that all I can think about at this point is this huge freaky bug crawling across my foot or, god forbid, up my leg. Shudder. This all goes through my mind and is followed by "DON"T SCREAM!" as I jump up out of the chair, causing Rightie's horn to dislodge (I use the rubberband hands-free method, which I will discuss at some length in a later post, I promise).
I get Rightie situated again, but there is No. Freakin'. Way. I am sitting back down in that chair, because the nasty, huge, gross thing is still lurking under there, waiting to attack. So I pick up the PIS bag (I am fortunately plugged in to an extension cord) and move to the couch. But I still can't stop thinking about this thing. The way it moves reminds of the space herpe in Ice Pirates. And I just know it's going to attack me on the couch. Plus, the couch is black leather, so it's not like I can easily see it as it comes shimmying up the arm at me. I just barely managed to hang on to my nerves long enough to get 30 minutes on the pump (my goal right now is 45/pump). I put everything away and head back up to bed. Time: 3:45, give or take.
But now I still can't stop thinking about this freakin' bug. I mean, this thing is in my house. It can make it up the stairs...or the vent system...and come right into our bedroom...or the cookie's room...the COOKIE! It's going after the cookie! I know it is...I have to go in there and protect her. Even if I have to stay up all night...but what if I fall asleep and it gets her anyhow...am I a bad mom because somehow this crazy-ass huge nasty space herpe bug got into my house and now wants to eat my baby? Of course, there is a sensible voice in my head that's arguing with the crazy voice. So this all takes another half hour or so. The crazy voice was winning and I was just about to get up and go in there to sit in the comfy chair when she woke up and DH headed in to start his shift. Time: 4:15.
And that's why I'm so...tired...
So last night the cookie wakes up at 2am. This is my shift (in case I haven't explained it before, I take everything from when DH goes to bed until 3am, then he takes everything from 3am 'til he leaves for work at 6:45, and we share the rest of the time. This is one of the things I love about pumping -- we can do this.), so I crawl out of bed and sure enough, she's wide awake. First step, diaper change. Mega full diaper, so I'm not worried about her peeing on me (little boys have nothing on my cookie when it comes to waterworks). Big mistake. So I finish changing her, including her now wet outfit, and we head over to the comfy rocking chair.
Where I discover mistake number 2. I forgot to put a bottle on before the diaper changing caper. So now she's really awake and crying for a bottle, because this is a Departure From Routine. Warm bottle, feed cookie (who sucks down four ounces like I haven't fed her in two days), give apres midnight-snack binkie (which usually calms her right down and sends her into the Land of Nod). Time: 2:30.
The cookie indeed calms right down and appears to be in the Land of Nod (I can tell because she's loosened her death grip on my finger). So I stand up to put her in the crib. She wakes up immediately. We play this game for about 20 minutes. She finally goes to sleep at...2:59. And then it's time for me to pump.
So I turn the monitor back on and head downstairs. Now, all I want to do is sleep, which I can actually do while I pump, but I have this huge project for work I need to get done (which I should be working on right now, as a matter of fact...). So I hook myself up to Flo (named after the sassy waitress from Mel's Diner -- anything I spend this much time with needs a name) and flip open the laptop. Because I'm more interested in procrastinating than working I check a thread over on the aforementioned message board (see my first couple of entries on this blog) that has been brought to my attention -- apparently I'm not the only one who feels discouraged by the tone of some of the posts over there -- and find myself in the middle of a conversation that looks like it has serious flamewar potential. Now, I don't want to be in a flamewar. That's no fun, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy to waste on it. So I start a reply intended to douse the flames. All of a sudden, I see a huge bug scamper under my chair. Fast. And big. Did I mention how huge it was? Seriously, this mother's like 2 inches long. Not a roach, but some kind of freaky millipede thing they have up here in the Northeast US. I've seen them before and they totally wig me out. So this one is under my chair. While I'm trying to relax and pump. Now, if you're scared of bugs like I am, you understand that all I can think about at this point is this huge freaky bug crawling across my foot or, god forbid, up my leg. Shudder. This all goes through my mind and is followed by "DON"T SCREAM!" as I jump up out of the chair, causing Rightie's horn to dislodge (I use the rubberband hands-free method, which I will discuss at some length in a later post, I promise).
I get Rightie situated again, but there is No. Freakin'. Way. I am sitting back down in that chair, because the nasty, huge, gross thing is still lurking under there, waiting to attack. So I pick up the PIS bag (I am fortunately plugged in to an extension cord) and move to the couch. But I still can't stop thinking about this thing. The way it moves reminds of the space herpe in Ice Pirates. And I just know it's going to attack me on the couch. Plus, the couch is black leather, so it's not like I can easily see it as it comes shimmying up the arm at me. I just barely managed to hang on to my nerves long enough to get 30 minutes on the pump (my goal right now is 45/pump). I put everything away and head back up to bed. Time: 3:45, give or take.
But now I still can't stop thinking about this freakin' bug. I mean, this thing is in my house. It can make it up the stairs...or the vent system...and come right into our bedroom...or the cookie's room...the COOKIE! It's going after the cookie! I know it is...I have to go in there and protect her. Even if I have to stay up all night...but what if I fall asleep and it gets her anyhow...am I a bad mom because somehow this crazy-ass huge nasty space herpe bug got into my house and now wants to eat my baby? Of course, there is a sensible voice in my head that's arguing with the crazy voice. So this all takes another half hour or so. The crazy voice was winning and I was just about to get up and go in there to sit in the comfy chair when she woke up and DH headed in to start his shift. Time: 4:15.
And that's why I'm so...tired...
posted by Laura Y. at
28.7.06
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home